I hate it when people say to me “How do you stay at home all day? I’d be so bored if I did that!”
I look at other people and think, “How do you go to work every day? How do you hold down a job? How do you go to school? How do you manage to make your thoughts coherent enough to write essays? How do you muster up the energy to pass your classes? How do you manage (or even remember) to eat three meals a day? How do you wake up before noon? How do you get out of bed, bathe, brush your teeth, clothe yourself, etc. every single day??”
Having depression and social anxiety makes these “normal” things seem impossible to me. Even getting out of bed feels like an impossibility on some days. In the back of my mind, I know these thoughts are silly. I know that I should just get out of bed and get on with the day. I’m well into my adult years and I should have a job, have some money saved up, have a car, have a relationship, have a social life, etc. But there’s a bigger part of my mind telling me that there’s no point getting out of bed today because everything outside requires effort and I’m too tired to deal with people and what if I have a panic attack and maybe if I just go back to sleep then I’ll feel better tomorrow.
And these types of thoughts happen every single day.
Then a week passes, then a month, then 2 months, then 6 months, and before you know it, you have spent an entire year in bed without even realizing it. You have done nothing for an entire year and your depression prevents you from even mustering up the energy to care.
So to all the people who don’t understand how depression works, that is how I stay at home all day.
I have never read something more relevant to my life.